[It doesn't get any better as the memory Nagito goes on about his luck coming back around. His desolation and melancholy mood slaps the senses like an air fist. As the real Komaeda turns his gaze on Nanami. He steps over to her and grasps her hand. She's hurting.
Because of his memories.]
It's okay. It happened a while ago. [Yet he still winces when Hinata's determination summons the ghost of Nanami and in the same breath he claims that Komaeda's luck that dominated his existence for so long. Is fake. That he can make his own decisions as if it hasn't ripped everything he wanted out of his hands.
Or given him an outcome he desired in a terrible way. The memory him reacts about like one would expect. The yawning void of despair turns the world black and white, Nagito himself a dull grey as black chains wrap around his throat and wrists. but things change, as Hinata surges forward and hugs the other boy. Nagito caged in by Hinata's arms face is painted with shock. It's clear he hasn't been touched much and he sinks into it despite the hesitation as warm affection swirls in the memory.
Then he speaks, quietly with a note of hysteria in his voice. Hinata needs to understand. Why he's upset.
'I have a purpose. I have friends. I have a life, Hinata. Last time I went back, I didn't remember a damn bit of it. I wouldn't have tried to kill myself, or any of you if I'd had my memories when I returned to that moment with the file! I promised I would never gamble with my life against my luck! And I'd already resolved never to kill anyone ever again!
And you're asking me to give up WHO I AM NOW!'
Komaeda looks away from the memory. It still hurts.
'if I'm stuck dealing with her trying to drag me down every time I see her, it's a better life than I've ever had!
...this is what I'm giving up. This is what will be gone when I go back with you. Back to dying. To being hated. Misunderstood and people talking behind my back. Oh yes! All of that. I'm not denying I'm a bastard as Souda so put it. I really am the lowest piece of trash around, I won't ever deny it!'
The memory, Nagito, presses his face into Hinata's shoulder. Grief trickles in as falling snow. It floats gently down to blanket the ground and he sags, giving up as something inside him tears.
'But it was nice. It was nice to be cared about...even...ahaha, starting to believe in myself.']
no subject
Because of his memories.]
It's okay. It happened a while ago. [Yet he still winces when Hinata's determination summons the ghost of Nanami and in the same breath he claims that Komaeda's luck that dominated his existence for so long. Is fake. That he can make his own decisions as if it hasn't ripped everything he wanted out of his hands.
Or given him an outcome he desired in a terrible way. The memory him reacts about like one would expect. The yawning void of despair turns the world black and white, Nagito himself a dull grey as black chains wrap around his throat and wrists. but things change, as Hinata surges forward and hugs the other boy. Nagito caged in by Hinata's arms face is painted with shock. It's clear he hasn't been touched much and he sinks into it despite the hesitation as warm affection swirls in the memory.
Then he speaks, quietly with a note of hysteria in his voice. Hinata needs to understand. Why he's upset.
'I have a purpose. I have friends. I have a life, Hinata. Last time I went back, I didn't remember a damn bit of it. I wouldn't have tried to kill myself, or any of you if I'd had my memories when I returned to that moment with the file! I promised I would never gamble with my life against my luck! And I'd already resolved never to kill anyone ever again!
And you're asking me to give up WHO I AM NOW!'
Komaeda looks away from the memory. It still hurts.
'if I'm stuck dealing with her trying to drag me down every time I see her, it's a better life than I've ever had!
...this is what I'm giving up. This is what will be gone when I go back with you. Back to dying. To being hated. Misunderstood and people talking behind my back. Oh yes! All of that. I'm not denying I'm a bastard as Souda so put it. I really am the lowest piece of trash around, I won't ever deny it!'
The memory, Nagito, presses his face into Hinata's shoulder. Grief trickles in as falling snow. It floats gently down to blanket the ground and he sags, giving up as something inside him tears.
'But it was nice. It was nice to be cared about...even...ahaha, starting to believe in myself.']