[He thinks back to the moment Hinata admitted he loved him. He'd worried about losing him. But the alternative smashed everything he was to pieces. Even now he's not sure he has all the pieces. It's like he's fractured and doesn't know what to do about it. Sometimes he looks down and there's a hole in his chest where his heart is supposed to be. It's an odd feeling.
Even if you're not asking it's always felt like it.
He hadn't asked for anything. Hadn't expected anything. Hadn't even meant for Hinata to ever know. Because to care leads to pain. To the death of whoever was dumb enough to step into his orbit. Like a fool he forgot that because here no one has died to his luck. It's been safe. People smile when they see him. Ask for his advice. Look to him for wisdom. He's not invisible.
The way he and Hinata have been here. It's been confusing, frustrating, but at the same time when it was good he wanted to sink into it and never come out. Life has been richer, despite all the hurt that bubbled up inside him the longer he was left without an answer. Had it all been worth that agony?
If it ended tomorrow because Hinata has made a choice...
His shoulders shake, and he bows his head, laughter spilling out. It's all he knows how to do. People die? Laugh. Bleeding out? Laugh. Laugh and laugh, and laugh because that's all there is in his rotting head. He lets go of her hands and buries his in his hair and clenches the strands but doesn't yank them out.]
Yes. Despite everything I can only think of the good moments to...to believe that! It's a lot like my cycling luck. I can't hate the talent that society deems me worthy with! It's a curse I can't escape and love feels a lot like that but...
[He drops his hands and stares at them, as seeing them for the first time.]
It's worth it. Because for a moment it's just...being Nagito. That's it. It should be boring to be someone as foolish as I am but, it's not. It's like how master talks about a person's life being a star.
For one moment, I'm visible when I never was before then. Being needed. Being loved. That's all I've ever wanted!
[Action; 7/7]
Even if you're not asking it's always felt like it.
He hadn't asked for anything. Hadn't expected anything. Hadn't even meant for Hinata to ever know. Because to care leads to pain. To the death of whoever was dumb enough to step into his orbit. Like a fool he forgot that because here no one has died to his luck. It's been safe. People smile when they see him. Ask for his advice. Look to him for wisdom. He's not invisible.
The way he and Hinata have been here. It's been confusing, frustrating, but at the same time when it was good he wanted to sink into it and never come out. Life has been richer, despite all the hurt that bubbled up inside him the longer he was left without an answer. Had it all been worth that agony?
If it ended tomorrow because Hinata has made a choice...
His shoulders shake, and he bows his head, laughter spilling out. It's all he knows how to do. People die? Laugh. Bleeding out? Laugh. Laugh and laugh, and laugh because that's all there is in his rotting head. He lets go of her hands and buries his in his hair and clenches the strands but doesn't yank them out.]
Yes. Despite everything I can only think of the good moments to...to believe that! It's a lot like my cycling luck. I can't hate the talent that society deems me worthy with! It's a curse I can't escape and love feels a lot like that but...
[He drops his hands and stares at them, as seeing them for the first time.]
It's worth it. Because for a moment it's just...being Nagito. That's it. It should be boring to be someone as foolish as I am but, it's not. It's like how master talks about a person's life being a star.
For one moment, I'm visible when I never was before then. Being needed. Being loved. That's all I've ever wanted!