Messenger Box

[eyeswideopen]

If you need to get a hold of Komaeda, here's where you do it.

Messenger birds, action, what have you.

Comments

2/2

[eyeswideopen]

Merry Christmas to you too. (´・ω・)ﾉ

Ah, what has you upset?

[dereban]

the fact that you didn't tell me if you had christmas sex with your boyfriend or not!! 、ヽ｀(~д~*)、ヽ｀
i thought we were friends

[ OH MY GOD INABA of course she's just kidding... ]

[eyeswideopen]

｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)

We are but, I don't talk about what I do with him to anyone. Except him, of course!

[Wow, just wow.]

Actually, I'm surprised no one has accidentally walked in on us. With how my luck is, haha.

[dereban]

well i most certainly don't need to know the details of your sex life
besides it's not like i'll be meeting your boyfriend anytime soon

[ at least, she doesn't think it's going to happen because i'm not playercesting ]

wow. did you want to get walked in on, nagito?
i didn't know you had that kind of kink ( ꒪Д꒪)ノ

[ ..... wow. also she's just trying to drag this out so she doesn't have to talk about her real problems with him. ]

[eyeswideopen]

(,,ﾟДﾟ)

No! That's not! I wouldn't-

No. [Not even if it was just another Hinata. He has gotten very addicted to the time he spends alone with his boyfriend. That's their time. With a slow exhale, he tries again.]

So, that aside. What's wrong?

[dereban]

[ oh my god she's laughing so hard right now ]

Hypothetically. And only hypothetically, if your boyfriend wasn't from the same world as you, would you still date him?

[eyeswideopen]

[That curbs his shock. He sobers and mulls that over.] I would have struggled more with my feelings, I think. As it was it was our history that caused a lot of trouble. ...and my life in general.

But in the end, I'd have dated him.

[dereban]

Even with the risks? Why?

[eyeswideopen]

Even if I lost him tomorrow I'd rather have had this time with him to light up life for years to come. To me, even friendships carry risk. Being too close. That's a risk too!

I used to never pay that price. It was rather lonely...and empty. Ah, maybe it's a bit ridiculous but all I ever wanted was someone's love. I didn't realize the mutual exchange of that...it changes you.

[dereban]

At least with friends you can distance yourself. It's easier to do that, to me, than it is with a lover. Because with a lover, you're mostly revealing most of yourself to them. And to have the risk of them disappearing and forgetting about you... I don't think I could do that.

[ Not a second time. She already has the experience. ]

Like there's the possiblity that they might come back and have no memories of that time and you'd have to start over from the beginning.

I have a problem trusting people. I think that's the primary reason why I'm in Piphron. I've always had friends, but I never kept them close to my chest. I just had them so I wouldn't lose face, I guess. So that I could be seen as 'normal', or something like that.

I already know that the mutual exchange of love can change someone. Especially if it's mutual.

[ Even through the text, there's a slight fondness to it; it's almost melancholic. ]

It's just a scary thought.

[eyeswideopen]

...there used to a third person in my relationship. [His words are slow, spoken with some difficulty.]

I didn't love her at first. Hajime did. He loved both of us but couldn't choose. ...but over time I fell in love with her gentleness, her kindness.

[The soft wash of grief rolls through. Like an awful bell tone of silence.] It's because of me that she's dead back home. I didn't want to love her. I didn't want to get close to what they had. But she cared about me despite that.

Loved me despite all my flaws. ...and before I knew it I couldn't stop treasuring every moment. I knew our time could be over in blink of an eye. ...and it was. I'm not sure if I could do it again. But for them I'd try.

It...hahaha, I just can't think of what it would be like without at least trying. That's stupid isn't it?

[dereban]

[ Inaba as quiet at first as she listens to Komaeda's words -- there's always a hint of discomfort for her just hearing these kinds of emotions mentally, having slight trauma when it comes to things like this. But she perseveres, although she keeps to text. ]

... I don't think it's stupid at all to try. But you're not the first one to say it. That trying to be happy, regardless of the chances of it going wrong. If you don't mind me asking, however, even if it might not be your story to tell, why is it your fault that she's dead?

[eyeswideopen]

[He knew it was coming. Just like it always does. He still laughs quietly.]

I discovered a terrible secret and engineered a way to force the only one with the knowledge of it out into the open! As I said before my luck is unusual and dangerous. It's price was her.

It took a while for Hajime to forgive me for it. [Well that and he had been very dead too but, details.]

[dereban]

I don't suppose you're going to tell me what that secret was, are you? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I'd understand why he would be upset.

[eyeswideopen]

As do I these days. [He falls quiet. He could tell her very easily what that secret was but.] It's a secret that both is and isn't just mine. If you truly want to know, my public record as an Arehtei Representative has all of it.

I will warn you. You're not going to like any bit of it. Even if things...came to light about why. I still am as guilty of it all as I ever was. I could of course, tell you right now. But then we'd truly be distracted from your questions you've been trying to answer for yourself. Right?

[dereban]

I'd much rather hear it from the person themselves rather than snooping behind their back, regardless if it's public information or otherwise. Especially if it's someone who's a friend.

I'm not a good person either. While I may not have done something as dramatically bad as killing, it's not like I'm perfect, either. But that's beside the main point so I'll... get back on topic.

What would you think if someone lost their memories? Not of this place. Not of the events that happened. Just you, alone. More importantly... if they were someone you loved. You'd try to get their memories back, right?

What if that was impossible? Would you still try, regardless? To make them have feelings for you, and vice versa. Simply for the experience, the new memories, I guess. Don't tell anyone I said this, but I have that experience -- one of having my boyfriend forget me entirely. It's kind of why I'm scared to try again. Like... should I even bother to love someone?

[eyeswideopen]

[He sits back in his seat giving her the mental image while his thoughts whirl in circles. A long narrow sword rests in two clamps on the work bench. The hilt is wrapped in a cage of interwoven metal threads like some spider web to guard the wrist. The blade itself is made for slashing and carving. The kind of sword you expect to cut things to pieces. He trails his fingers along it as faint red light whispers from the sword.]

I wouldn't try to make them love me again. Don't get me wrong, I would want that more than anything! But...I would be scared to try pushing for what I had. Hajime and I revolved around each other and had specific situations that led to where we are. I...

I would still stay by their side and love that person. More than anything. But I don't know what else would come if it and I would never regret the love I had. Even if they fell in love with..with someone else.

[He drops his head, snow and dark chains appearing and disappearing as his thoughts sway between grief and despair.] For it was lucky and nice, to ever be loved at all.

[dereban]

[ Actually, in this case she's going to switch and show the mental image, smiling wistfully. She thinks that it would probably be more reassuring that way. ]

You're really kind. To even think that. If you can think that way I'm sure that in the worst case scenario... I'd think there are plenty of people who would be able to fall in love with you and accept you as you are. Anyway, do you think I should try dating? If the person I asked says 'yes'.

[eyeswideopen]

[He blinks. That was clearly not what he had expected to hear. Or see. His own smile the wistful thing that it has been eases a bit.]

If they say yes, is it really fair to both of you not to give it a chance? Take the risk, Inaba.

Or you're absolutely regret it, won't you.

[dereban]

I don't know if I'll regret it or not. [ Her voice is like falling snow, almost static. ]

I guess that's why I should try... probably.

[eyeswideopen]

If you just sit in despair. You'll never know what hope might be ahead of you. No matter how it goes, you can always come here.

I'll be awake. [He would wake up to help a friend.]