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[It shouldn't be funny. But the idea if he loses it he'll be in good company is hilarious. He folds over her hands, and laughs drily.]

What kind of friend would I be if I didn't listen to your problems? It's not fair to ask and ask more of you, and not give back.

Look where that got me...no. I'll always listen to what you have to say, and...appreciate this bond between us.

[It's nice to see him laugh more naturally and the fact that she accomplished it with so little effort is also a good thing in her opinion.]

It has been nice to have friends that I can talk to. Don't worry about taking advantage of me. I can handle myself fairly well. If you step over the line, I shall just have to put my foot out, yes?

[She's gotten so much better, but speaking thirty different languages makes it hard to keep some words straight.]

That's put your foot down, but foot out would be just as effective. [Sonia is a good friend. He sighs as he rubs at the back of his neck.]

Ahaha, but I still don't know what to do. Hinata did say in that fight that he loves me...but he loves Nanami too.

He seemed to think I asked him to chose but. ...I told him from the start I'd be fine just being by him.

...

[His fingers dig into the back of his neck, just hard enough to feel the pressure. He wants to inflict the pain that used to be so grounding. Instead he just repeats the gesture.]

I don't think he meant to be cruel like that. He's...scared. But once he hugged me, I couldn't take our conversation anymore. Nothing was solved.

There's just...more to lose on one side of the scales.

[She flushes a bit at the correction.]

Oh, yes, I could see how that would be a better word.

[The rest of his conversation causes her to sigh and fills her with the desire to shake Hinata until some brains wake u in his head. What she does is takes his hand from off of his neck and hold them, applying some pressure so that he knows she won't let him hurt himself with her there.]

He is a typical stupid boy. Honestly, this sounds like the plot to a few dramas that I've watched and the main character always waffles on who he selects until he is forced to make a choice. And then he is never pleased.

I know that this isn't a drama, however, and I am worried more about your feelings than Hinata-san's. He will eventually be fine, no matter what he does. His choice affects all three of you, and that has me worried. His indecision is crueler than if he made up his mind.

If there is anything that I can do to help, including clubbing him over the head, please let me know.

If he wants us both I'd be fine with that. [The words are out before he can stop them. It's his exhaustion making it too easy to talk. Komaeda sighs, studying his and Sonia's hands together. His are not as pale as they used to be. But they're still only slightly darker than hers.]

But like this nothing is being solved. I'm not sure he entirely gets what this is doing to me. I wouldn't be surprised if that's the cause. But I don't know.

[He really just wants to bury the hurts and move on. The world can turn terrible in an instant. Hinata had reminded him of that fact. One moment his eyes burned him, and the next he was moving away. Over and over again. But there was nothing better to balance out the stress it built up inside him.]

I would be fine eventually, whatever he decides. Ah, but there's really no need to attack him over this! He feels what he feels. Neither you or I can change that.

...Ahaha, I just wish. I just wish he had a better understanding so he can make up his mind sooner than later.

Please don't sell yourself short. You deserve to be happy, as much as the rest of us do.

[She wouldn't object to Hinata being with both Nagito and Nanami if it makes them all happy. That is, after all, what she wants for all of her friends and classmates, what they all deserve: a second chance.]

Until he can make up his mind, you don't have to wait for him. And he should make up his mind. It's unfair of him to leave you in lingo. I will stand by your side no matter what outcome. That's what friends are supposed to do, yes?

That's exactly what friends do, Sonia. [He gently squeezes her hands. It had never occured to him that he could move on without Hinata. It had just seemed important to wait for him to make his decision. Even when they started being something else.

But there was no one else that appealed to his interests. Once, there might have been. Now, love just seems like one of those lies people believe in that never really work out. Not for people like him, anyway.]

...Even if I don't wait for him any longer, I really don't have a desire to be with anyone else.

[He can't quite hide the pain in his voice. By now there's really no point.]

Not for a very long time.

[It's in his eyes, 'if ever'. Happiness can be had without having a partner, can't it? He had been happy here before Hinata appeared. He'd...Komaeda shuts his eyes, his head bowed.]

This has caused me some...difficulties in serving Peromei and the people properly. I know I deserve to be happy. But haha, maybe.

[He looks back at up her with a self-depreicating smile on his face.]

Maybe relationships just aren't for me.

Edited 2016-07-14 04:23 (UTC)

[She gives him a gentle smile, not quite bright, but definitely one that shows she cares about him.]

Hm, it doesn't matter if you are with someone or not, does it? If you have a significant other, that doesn't keep you from being Komaeda Nagito. It doesn't make you any less my friend, or the representative to Peromei or your master's student. Defining our self-worth through other people is a dangerous game, though you and I have both been victim to it.

[She drops Nagito's hands and wraps her arms around his neck in a tight hug.]

No matter what happens, you are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. Remember that you are worthy of everything you want. Ultimate Lucky Student or not.

[Defining your self worth through others is dangerous. Oh, yes he knows. And for the first time he's aware someone else has suffered in a similiar manner. No one has understood that like she can. But he still locks up when warm arms wrap around his neck.

For a second he doesn't know what to do. With Hinata it had been so simple. He invited touch, and touched him back. They'd only hugged once. Despite what he'd said to Silver, hugs were special. Only for those moments someone was really hurt. Only Sanae had hugged him every time she saw him.

He doesn't realize he's shaking until his mind catches up with events. Komaeda enfolds her in his arms, burying his face against her neck. He can feel every breath she takes and the thudding of a heart other than his.

If only he could believe he was worthy of anything.]

...Sonia, I feel so tired.

[She sighs deeply when he hugs her back. It's very nice, reassuring to touch and be touched by someone she likes, even if it's a strictly platonic sort of touching. She lets it continue for a minute before finally pulling away and smoothing his hair from his face like her nanny used to when she was a little girl.]

It's been a long day. Go to bed and rest. If you want, I can stay here in the living room; you don't have to be alone tonight.

[He wants to take her up on her offer. The idea of falling asleep with someone around and knowing they'll be there when he wakes up...

He ducks his head and his smile is easy, seemingly light. They both know better than to believe that. It's the only way he knows how to cope sometimes. Most of the time.

But that's the problem. Living with Hinata. Loving him had dragged up wants for things he can't and shouldn't want. The idea that when he came home at night the lights could be on and the house warm. If he got hurt, someone being there.

Someone asking him about his day. Telling him they were glad he made it when he dragged himself home from a battle for the sake of the city. And being told he was loved...]

...no. No, it's alright. If I need anything I'll call you.

[He slowly climbs to his feet, and smiles one more time.] I'll get some sleep. Ha, I do have work in the morning!

[She stands as well, worried about his mental and emotional state. She can't help the frown that rests on her face, but she hugs him again anyway, tightly.]

Please do. You know that I will come over as soon as you call.

[Finally, she lets go and manages a smile.]

Sleep well. I'll see you later.

[He can't help but lean into the hug and take every scrap of comfort from it he can get. It almost changes his mind. But he can't allow himself this much.]

Take care, I'll see you to the door.

[He doesn't speak as he leads her to his front door. As a good host he opens it and let's her out. The night air brushes against his face and he briefly considers a walk. It's a bad idea. His feet will take him to the place they shouldn't.

Hinata...loves him and yet.

He clenches his fingers into fists and watches Sonia go. Once he's sure she'll be fine, he turns away, heading back inside. Just as he reaches his doorway, his face falls. The light from inside shows it clearly. Tension has entered his spine and shoulders. He looks like a man backed into a corner, outnumbered and injured, resigned to his fate, but grimmly determined to stand his ground. His face is neutral, almost blank and empty. But his eyes are of a defeated man.

He shakes his head at himself and steps inside, shutting the door behind him. He had a duty to Peromei. He has to maintain himself, or he had no business being her representative. His hopes remain even if he feels like a thousand miles of bad road. As long as there's hope, he can make it through.

He always does.]

Edited (grammar) 2016-07-16 04:25 (UTC)

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