Komaeda Nagito (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
eyeswideopen) wrote2015-10-14 07:21 pm
eyeswideopen) wrote2015-10-14 07:21 pm
Entry tags:
Messenger Box
If you need to get a hold of Komaeda, here's where you do it.
Messenger birds, action, what have you.
[It takes a second to register. Komaeda sets the towel he'd been drying his hair off with down on the side counter by the shower stall.]
Now, correct me if I'm wrong. But I believe I once told you that I have a lot of trouble with how attractive you are. That hasn't changed I just got better at restraint.
But it's so difficult when you're irritated and get that focused stare going. It makes me feel like the only person in the world for you and that's... [He sucks in a breath, suppressing a shiver. He turns away and works the towel over his wet hair.] Why?
Now, correct me if I'm wrong. But I believe I once told you that I have a lot of trouble with how attractive you are. That hasn't changed I just got better at restraint.
But it's so difficult when you're irritated and get that focused stare going. It makes me feel like the only person in the world for you and that's... [He sucks in a breath, suppressing a shiver. He turns away and works the towel over his wet hair.] Why?
Congratulations!
[Junko sounds...absolutely ecstatic about something. It's partially genuine though, there's an undercurrent of something really unpleasant under all that. It's like putting a fresh happy coat of paint over a condemned building. Oh and the building's haunted too because why the hell not? It needs to be made worse anyway to be a fitting comparison for her emotional state right now. So it's not her normal despair, yes, that's there too, but she's actually furious under all this. How dare people be happy and move ahead with their lives? What gives them the right?
Isn't it so despairingly awful? She loves it! Which is not helping in the emotional mess on her end.]
Is it too soon to RSVP? Or can I give one of you guys away? Seriously, I want all the details!
[Junko sounds...absolutely ecstatic about something. It's partially genuine though, there's an undercurrent of something really unpleasant under all that. It's like putting a fresh happy coat of paint over a condemned building. Oh and the building's haunted too because why the hell not? It needs to be made worse anyway to be a fitting comparison for her emotional state right now. So it's not her normal despair, yes, that's there too, but she's actually furious under all this. How dare people be happy and move ahead with their lives? What gives them the right?
Isn't it so despairingly awful? She loves it! Which is not helping in the emotional mess on her end.]
Is it too soon to RSVP? Or can I give one of you guys away? Seriously, I want all the details!
[At first he has no idea what she interrupted his workings for. Within the link complex figures and glowing lines trace themselves like the etchings of a storm. The power he had gathered rolls through before it all draws back leaving echoes of the calm resolve in its wake like thunder in the distance.]
It isn't too early but we haven't decided any details yet.
[He can't keep the irritation out of his tone at being surprised. Even now he always feels more comfortable when the situation is entirely in his control.]
Of course you taking any kind of role in this has a number of conditions and a list of rules to sign off on. I'm sure you can agree I'm being exactly as cautious as I should be! With your history you should be shocked I'm giving this any thought. But, thank you for the congratulations. You are the first to know about...our engagement.
It isn't too early but we haven't decided any details yet.
[He can't keep the irritation out of his tone at being surprised. Even now he always feels more comfortable when the situation is entirely in his control.]
Of course you taking any kind of role in this has a number of conditions and a list of rules to sign off on. I'm sure you can agree I'm being exactly as cautious as I should be! With your history you should be shocked I'm giving this any thought. But, thank you for the congratulations. You are the first to know about...our engagement.
[ Komaeda shall receive from Red via mechanical messenger biiird...!!
- Cookies!!! Because everyone deserves cookies. (Share with Raijin if he's still around!!)
- A book on herbs with medicinal properties found on Empatheias, as well as...
- A container of berries, with four of the following: cheri, chesto, pecha, rawst, and persim. Despite being berries, some are hard as nuts, but Red has included what healing properties they have, whether ingested or turned into other substances (creams, drinks, etc), as well as their flavours. Have fun experimenting, nerd!! A few have been included as their own cookies that he's gotten someone else to make, so Komaeda can taste them for himself too.
- A few musical crystals from Shaarnath.
- A glass jar with a few small candles. When the candles are placed inside, it lights up the jar to give a soft starry sky against a darkened room, the "stars" twinkling... a very relaxing effect to have!
- A card.
Komaeda,
I don't know if you celebrate this time of year, but I wanted to get you a gift anyway. You've been a good friend to me, and I'm glad that long ago, I thought about asking you to come with me and Alvin to check out those ruins. Do you think it was your luck at play? I find myself lucky, knowing you.
You told me you were studying to be a healer. I don't know how your studies are coming along or if they include mixing medicines, but you can use the berries in food too. My friend Bianca has a small farm growing of them. Usually we give them to pokémon, but humans can ingest them too! They're great in cakes and curries.
Thanks for everything.
Red ]
- Cookies!!! Because everyone deserves cookies. (Share with Raijin if he's still around!!)
- A book on herbs with medicinal properties found on Empatheias, as well as...
- A container of berries, with four of the following: cheri, chesto, pecha, rawst, and persim. Despite being berries, some are hard as nuts, but Red has included what healing properties they have, whether ingested or turned into other substances (creams, drinks, etc), as well as their flavours. Have fun experimenting, nerd!! A few have been included as their own cookies that he's gotten someone else to make, so Komaeda can taste them for himself too.
- A few musical crystals from Shaarnath.
- A glass jar with a few small candles. When the candles are placed inside, it lights up the jar to give a soft starry sky against a darkened room, the "stars" twinkling... a very relaxing effect to have!
- A card.
Komaeda,
I don't know if you celebrate this time of year, but I wanted to get you a gift anyway. You've been a good friend to me, and I'm glad that long ago, I thought about asking you to come with me and Alvin to check out those ruins. Do you think it was your luck at play? I find myself lucky, knowing you.
You told me you were studying to be a healer. I don't know how your studies are coming along or if they include mixing medicines, but you can use the berries in food too. My friend Bianca has a small farm growing of them. Usually we give them to pokémon, but humans can ingest them too! They're great in cakes and curries.
Thanks for everything.
Red ]
Hey, Nagito. Merry Christmas.
[His tone is reasonably level, but the crystal is absolutely buzzing with excitement nonetheless.]
Are you home? I'd like to bring you something.
[Better to make sure than just show up, right?]
[His tone is reasonably level, but the crystal is absolutely buzzing with excitement nonetheless.]
Are you home? I'd like to bring you something.
[Better to make sure than just show up, right?]
Oh, yes I'm home! [The excitement makes him curious, and it flows through like an evening breeze.]
Please come on over.
Please come on over.
[The blue prints spread out on the worktable detail the work he intends to put into the wooden staff resting on the weapon stand. Komaeda runs his fingers down the notes he'd put on the pages two days ago. So far. So good.
Just as he raises his hand to start the casting, Hinata's thoughts brush over his. He pauses with the energy still whirling around his fingers but the news is something he didn't expect.
When Hinata opens the door Komaeda is sitting on the edge of his worktable by the kitchen, maps and books are stacked in neat piles on the wooden surface. Compared to the last time Owari saw him, Komaeda's older, with a healthier look to his body. As he nods and pushes off the table, muscle definition is obvious on his bare arms. The air lacks the hostility it used to possess when he was around, and even his politely neutral expression has no trace of disgust or scorn.] Good morning, Owari-san.
I assume Hajime filled you on me, but I don't blame you for distrust or a desire not to stay here because of my presence. If that's what you decide. Welcome to Verens anyway. Whatever questions you might have, I'm more than happy to answer. No matter what they are.
Just as he raises his hand to start the casting, Hinata's thoughts brush over his. He pauses with the energy still whirling around his fingers but the news is something he didn't expect.
When Hinata opens the door Komaeda is sitting on the edge of his worktable by the kitchen, maps and books are stacked in neat piles on the wooden surface. Compared to the last time Owari saw him, Komaeda's older, with a healthier look to his body. As he nods and pushes off the table, muscle definition is obvious on his bare arms. The air lacks the hostility it used to possess when he was around, and even his politely neutral expression has no trace of disgust or scorn.] Good morning, Owari-san.
I assume Hajime filled you on me, but I don't blame you for distrust or a desire not to stay here because of my presence. If that's what you decide. Welcome to Verens anyway. Whatever questions you might have, I'm more than happy to answer. No matter what they are.
[ Owari's bee steeling herself for this moment, and when Hinata pushed the door open to reveal a much healthier Komaeda, she's-- well, stumped at first. It's like he's a completely different person altogether.
Still, it's best to be on guard anyway. Komaeda did exude a trusting vibe before the first murder in Jabberwock happened, and it's possible that he's pulling off the same thing again. So Owari crosses the threshold and just... stares at him from afar. ]
You... [ She's at a loss on what to say, really. And he doesn't look punchable, so that's out of the question too. Give her a sec. ] How'd you get so shredded?
[ wow that's smart ]
Still, it's best to be on guard anyway. Komaeda did exude a trusting vibe before the first murder in Jabberwock happened, and it's possible that he's pulling off the same thing again. So Owari crosses the threshold and just... stares at him from afar. ]
You... [ She's at a loss on what to say, really. And he doesn't look punchable, so that's out of the question too. Give her a sec. ] How'd you get so shredded?
[ wow that's smart ]
[ Hinata "making bad decisions" Hajime is going to visit Komaeda at the bookstore. . . as a girl. It helps that he utilized a bit of Dunamis and is wearing this - the hat covers his ahoge - but other than that? He's managed to make himself a rather perfect disguise that won't allow him to be easily recognized. He even made his eye color the same as his natural one as Hinata Hajime, so he's making it easy for Komaeda to guess but not too easy.
Hence why when he goes to the bookstore, she calls out: ]
Is there a Komaeda Nagito here? I have a special delivery for one Komaeda Nagito...!
Hence why when he goes to the bookstore, she calls out: ]
Is there a Komaeda Nagito here? I have a special delivery for one Komaeda Nagito...!
Edited (better icon) 2017-02-13 22:25 (UTC)
[A tall, dark haired woman raises on thin eyebrow. In her middle age, she looks more like she's in her early twenties. She calls to the back and Komaeda Nagito emerges from the back room.] Here! Ah, sorry for the wait. I was in the back doing inventory.
[He nods respectfully to his boss as she trades places with him. He smiles brightly.] What sort of delivery do you have for me?
[He nods respectfully to his boss as she trades places with him. He smiles brightly.] What sort of delivery do you have for me?
[Not too long after his conversation with Red and Ed, Jade wastes no time in contacting the person they've pointed him towards.]
Dear Representative Nagito Komaeda,
Greetings. This is Jade Curtiss, a man you've met during the recent Thras excursion.
Representative Edward Elric and his partner Red have kindly pointed to you as a knowledgeable authority on local research practices. As someone who is looking into potentially sharing research data with them, I'd like to consult with you on certain matters before I make my final decision on the matter.
At your convenience, of course. Please let me know if telepathy works for you, or if you'd prefer a face-to-face meeting.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Jade Curtiss
Dear Representative Nagito Komaeda,
Greetings. This is Jade Curtiss, a man you've met during the recent Thras excursion.
Representative Edward Elric and his partner Red have kindly pointed to you as a knowledgeable authority on local research practices. As someone who is looking into potentially sharing research data with them, I'd like to consult with you on certain matters before I make my final decision on the matter.
At your convenience, of course. Please let me know if telepathy works for you, or if you'd prefer a face-to-face meeting.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Jade Curtiss
Greetings Jade Curtiss,
Face to face is preferred for this kind of discussion, but I'm completely fine with telepathy. It depends on what is more convenient for you. Please let me know which works better for your schedule.
Sincerely, Representative Komaeda Nagito.
[ Red hates that feeling a day after mayhem, when it clings to you and nothing has been resolved; it's like being empty yet full at the same time, a puzzle piece slotted somehow into the wrong environment when nothing of the life resuming around him matches what he knows. He feels it all the more returning to where he lives with Cilan, where being out on the road would at least feel less... normal.
Sleep barely gives him any rest with the thoughts that infiltrate his dreams, yet it's the farthest thing from his mind when he reaches the location where he and Komaeda had agreed to meet: near Lake Niras, where the pair of them had spoken after meeting with Piphron and Red had spilled far more to Komaeda than he had intended to. Trusted him with more than any other from there on.
Trust was maybe one of those things in his chest when he sees Komaeda, standing up from his place beside Lapras on a spread blanket, bits and pieces there in case they were necessary, but none of it on his mind as he approaches to meet the white-haired man. Words were on his tongue of what they would speak about, on where it went wrong, on how they would help Peromei. Yet they all slip away when he instead opens his opens and takes him into an embrace, pulling them tightly together and burying his head to his shoulder.
The sympathies still come; not apologies, though Red may be able to find areas to say sorry, but knowing blaming himself won't help. They're for Peromei, for Komaeda's relationship to her. But more than that, they're for the pair of them, for everything on their mind and everything that had happened. Because they were friends.
Because they both knew the places where it went wrong. It didn't have to discussed, though it would.
It was perhaps a better source of comfort, too, than any words that would follow. ]
Sleep barely gives him any rest with the thoughts that infiltrate his dreams, yet it's the farthest thing from his mind when he reaches the location where he and Komaeda had agreed to meet: near Lake Niras, where the pair of them had spoken after meeting with Piphron and Red had spilled far more to Komaeda than he had intended to. Trusted him with more than any other from there on.
Trust was maybe one of those things in his chest when he sees Komaeda, standing up from his place beside Lapras on a spread blanket, bits and pieces there in case they were necessary, but none of it on his mind as he approaches to meet the white-haired man. Words were on his tongue of what they would speak about, on where it went wrong, on how they would help Peromei. Yet they all slip away when he instead opens his opens and takes him into an embrace, pulling them tightly together and burying his head to his shoulder.
The sympathies still come; not apologies, though Red may be able to find areas to say sorry, but knowing blaming himself won't help. They're for Peromei, for Komaeda's relationship to her. But more than that, they're for the pair of them, for everything on their mind and everything that had happened. Because they were friends.
Because they both knew the places where it went wrong. It didn't have to discussed, though it would.
It was perhaps a better source of comfort, too, than any words that would follow. ]
day after elios trip; action cw: dr2.5 and dr3 spoilers
eyeswideopen
2017-06-08 06:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[It surprises him every time how warm hugs are. Red seems to have a knack for putting as much comfort into one but his experiences with them are few. Only four people have ever hugged him. He'd tease him he had a talent for it if he felt like laughing right now. There will be a time for jokes later.
It takes a bit of doing to keep from squeezing back too hard. He hadn't bothered to reapply the sense of touch back into his metal arm. He needs it to be unfeeling. The only way to separate the past from the present right now is the evidence all of the madness is over. The gears creak and whine, a sound that reminds him constantly he is free.] I'm so grateful we made it out of there. Your voice called to out of the fog. Thank you.
[He will find places to apologize for how far into the darkness of despair he had stepped. It isn't their fault but, some responsibilities...are his to bear. If Peromei were back he'd be curled up against her side in the Tree of Memory, insisting they have their meeting there in the safest place he knows. But she is far away, fighting. Slowly he lets go and steps back.]
Did you take care of your injuries? If you had any from that...last part. I was a bit too out of it to offer to check everyone over. [He'd rode on a snowmobile wrapped in his darker aspect, chains rattling and eyes on the mountain they were leaving. Balance. Balance and sacrifice. Nothing in this world or any other came without a price.]
I'll deal with mine when I've rested more.
It takes a bit of doing to keep from squeezing back too hard. He hadn't bothered to reapply the sense of touch back into his metal arm. He needs it to be unfeeling. The only way to separate the past from the present right now is the evidence all of the madness is over. The gears creak and whine, a sound that reminds him constantly he is free.] I'm so grateful we made it out of there. Your voice called to out of the fog. Thank you.
[He will find places to apologize for how far into the darkness of despair he had stepped. It isn't their fault but, some responsibilities...are his to bear. If Peromei were back he'd be curled up against her side in the Tree of Memory, insisting they have their meeting there in the safest place he knows. But she is far away, fighting. Slowly he lets go and steps back.]
Did you take care of your injuries? If you had any from that...last part. I was a bit too out of it to offer to check everyone over. [He'd rode on a snowmobile wrapped in his darker aspect, chains rattling and eyes on the mountain they were leaving. Balance. Balance and sacrifice. Nothing in this world or any other came without a price.]
I'll deal with mine when I've rested more.
[ It takes her a while to prepare, clean up, and put on something formal, but when she does she immediately heads to the location that he gave her. While not hard to find, it's definitely not a place that she's overly familiar with, either. She tries to keep her emotions concealed, buried deep down. Can't have any of her worries seep out in a serious conversation.
Especially if it might heavily impact the island.
So when she sees him, she puts on a soft, melancholic smile, raising a hand by means of a wave. ]
Yo. I didn't keep you waiting for too long, did I?
Especially if it might heavily impact the island.
So when she sees him, she puts on a soft, melancholic smile, raising a hand by means of a wave. ]
Yo. I didn't keep you waiting for too long, did I?
[Komaeda leans forward with a tired but sunny smile. He'd chosen a booth in the back away from other patrons. A steaming bowl of a red soup had just been placed down in front of him.] Hardly. My lunch just arrived! Sit, sit.
You said you had questions.
You said you had questions.
Ah, Komaeda-san? ...This is Komaru.
[ Since she returned home, she's...pretty confident that she's now from the same time as Komaeda, but she's not sure if she should bring that part up just yet. She's not even sure if anyone actually noticed she was gone, really, so she doesn't want to cause any unnecessary worry for now. She does remember that the last time she spoke to Komaeda before she left was about the situation with Elios and Peromei's condition, so she thinks it would be better to resume that conversation. ]
Are you doing okay? [ ... ] Is Peromei doing any better? You guys had a couple of rituals for her already, right?
[ Since she returned home, she's...pretty confident that she's now from the same time as Komaeda, but she's not sure if she should bring that part up just yet. She's not even sure if anyone actually noticed she was gone, really, so she doesn't want to cause any unnecessary worry for now. She does remember that the last time she spoke to Komaeda before she left was about the situation with Elios and Peromei's condition, so she thinks it would be better to resume that conversation. ]
Are you doing okay? [ ... ] Is Peromei doing any better? You guys had a couple of rituals for her already, right?
Komaru-san! You're back. [The relief flowing through the link is like a torrent of water. He'd noticed her going missing and waited to see if they lost her or she returned.]
We have. I've been monitoring how much we're giving her. We're going to find out if it's enough soon.
We have. I've been monitoring how much we're giving her. We're going to find out if it's enough soon.
[She was on a mission, and that mission stopped the moment she found Komaeda. It hadn't really taken too much time, she had come to know generally where he should be during the different times of the day and days of the week. But still, that first leg of the journey was now complete.]
Komaeda kun.
[She said his name with the utmost importance.]
I need a party member for a grinding quest.
[Her hands were balled up in front of her and she had a look of determination in her eyes.]
Komaeda kun.
[She said his name with the utmost importance.]
I need a party member for a grinding quest.
[Her hands were balled up in front of her and she had a look of determination in her eyes.]
[Komaeda blinks and sets down his mug of tea. Tea had become a habit once the doctors and healers of the hospital had recommended a blend for his symptoms. It became such a natural part of the day that once he got better health he just switched to different blends. He turns to face her with the work desk between them. She had come across him while he was dabbling in Dunami. Up the hall and down at the side of the house, heavily warded is his research lab. It was on the side in case anything goes wrong and everyone needs to sprint for the horizon.]
Ah, I assume you need good healer. I'm not doing anything too important right now. But I won't do it for free. Are you up for a deal?
[He circles around the table and snatches up the pot of tea and a mug.] Can i get you some tea for this discussion?
Ah, I assume you need good healer. I'm not doing anything too important right now. But I won't do it for free. Are you up for a deal?
[He circles around the table and snatches up the pot of tea and a mug.] Can i get you some tea for this discussion?
Edited 2017-07-10 20:06 (UTC)
[Feeling a little frustrated and annoyed she decided to go seek out Komaeda next on her little practice exercise. There was also a matter she wanted to ask him, but first, before saying anything, she hands him a pad of paper with a determined frown.
>>Time travel to the future!
>>I got all the tokens, let's start rolling for those capsules!
>>Wubby Wub Wub.
Something was expected, but she wasn't saying what it was exactly right now.]
>>Time travel to the future!
>>I got all the tokens, let's start rolling for those capsules!
>>Wubby Wub Wub.
Something was expected, but she wasn't saying what it was exactly right now.]
[He stares at the paper for a long moment and produces a pen from his coat pocket. Tokens is boring, he'll get whatever he needs. Wubby is really silly. Time travel is given a checkmark beside it.
He offers her the pad of paper and pen back.]
He offers her the pad of paper and pen back.]
[Between Helisium and helping Hunk plan Lance's surprise party set immediately afterwards, Allura couldn't find the time to make it to the wedding. That didn't mean she couldn't support the new couple though, so when next they check their mail they'll find a package containing a large, plush throw blanket, patterned in cream and dark blue, as well as a handwritten note in a strange script. Thank goodness for translation magic.]
Dear Komaeda and Hinata,
Congratulations on your new union, and thank you very much for inviting me to join in the festivities. My apologies for not being able to attend in person, but I hear it was a lovely celebration and with as much love and dedication you have for each other, I believe it. Please accept this gift as a token of my happiness for your future, and a way to help keep each other warm and safe during anything you might face. May the love and trust you have in each other guide you well, and may the hopes you have for your future be well within reach.
Congratulations and Best Wishes,
Princess Allura of Altea
Dear Komaeda and Hinata,
Congratulations on your new union, and thank you very much for inviting me to join in the festivities. My apologies for not being able to attend in person, but I hear it was a lovely celebration and with as much love and dedication you have for each other, I believe it. Please accept this gift as a token of my happiness for your future, and a way to help keep each other warm and safe during anything you might face. May the love and trust you have in each other guide you well, and may the hopes you have for your future be well within reach.
Congratulations and Best Wishes,
Princess Allura of Altea
Edited 2017-08-08 22:58 (UTC)
[Sitting in Allura's mailbox is a plain looking letter. Her name is written carefully but, the writing is a bit blocky.]
Good afternoon, Princess Allura of Altea.
Thank you for the gift. We took it with us on our trip and I apologize for not getting the time to write to you until now! It's a wonderful throw blanket. It has a place of honor on top of the couch. I hope you'll visit some time. I'd love to talk some more.
Until next time,
Komaeda Nagito.
Good afternoon, Princess Allura of Altea.
Thank you for the gift. We took it with us on our trip and I apologize for not getting the time to write to you until now! It's a wonderful throw blanket. It has a place of honor on top of the couch. I hope you'll visit some time. I'd love to talk some more.
Until next time,
Komaeda Nagito.
Nagito, are you free?
[ It's after lunch time, and the first thing said once Komaeda should accept the hum that comes to his amulet, the presence more than a familiar one to him by now. Red doesn't sound panicked, but there's a tense feeling to the line, like a fabric pulled tight; stretched, and yet not tearing.
He's more durable than that, but there's a good reason to feel unsteady right now... ]
[ It's after lunch time, and the first thing said once Komaeda should accept the hum that comes to his amulet, the presence more than a familiar one to him by now. Red doesn't sound panicked, but there's a tense feeling to the line, like a fabric pulled tight; stretched, and yet not tearing.
He's more durable than that, but there's a good reason to feel unsteady right now... ]
As well as I can be given the circumstances.
[He sounds a bit clipped and testy but, he opens the connection wider sharing with Red it isn't the call causing that feeling. His emotions are swirling like a storm that's slowly building to hurricane portions.]
What can I do for you, Red?
[He sounds a bit clipped and testy but, he opens the connection wider sharing with Red it isn't the call causing that feeling. His emotions are swirling like a storm that's slowly building to hurricane portions.]
What can I do for you, Red?
[ Why did you have to go?
It's all he wants to write to Nagito. His hand never twitches, but it's there in his mind, in the back of his throat, on the front of his tongue. He stares at the paper, knowing what it's there for and his intentions, and he pushes himself away from it all.
He doesn't want to say good bye. It's too late for that, but the emotion tightens at his lungs and his head hasn't stopped feeling foggy, scattered, free of anything but what's been left there by allowing himself to acknowledge the departures gone. That, too, should be impossible to ignore, the house empty of the cheer and spark of another, one who brightened him and made him feel so, so warm. But it was an option just in grasp--because everyone leaves. Why should this be any different?
This was just the way it was. It was a mindset that had helped him for nearly two years.
The paper stays blank as leaves the room and everything it asks of him. ]
It's all he wants to write to Nagito. His hand never twitches, but it's there in his mind, in the back of his throat, on the front of his tongue. He stares at the paper, knowing what it's there for and his intentions, and he pushes himself away from it all.
He doesn't want to say good bye. It's too late for that, but the emotion tightens at his lungs and his head hasn't stopped feeling foggy, scattered, free of anything but what's been left there by allowing himself to acknowledge the departures gone. That, too, should be impossible to ignore, the house empty of the cheer and spark of another, one who brightened him and made him feel so, so warm. But it was an option just in grasp--because everyone leaves. Why should this be any different?
This was just the way it was. It was a mindset that had helped him for nearly two years.
The paper stays blank as leaves the room and everything it asks of him. ]
[ At night, Red remembers that the crystals can contain messages inside with just the right dunamis. He takes one to bed, thinking it might be easier. A mess of rambling and emotions, but an honest mess that he knows Nagito would accept.
But it's only then that he realises he has to speak. He struggles with it as he had the pen.
So Red thinks instead.
He thinks about how emptier the house feels, and it's not just because of Cilan. It's because of you, too. I miss you. But he reconsiders the direction his mind goes, not wanting to encourage tears he doesn't want to shed.
It's a hard battle to fight, but he works his way around it despite the thoughts he reaches for from the depths of his mind, bringing the faded images to the front that cling on. The day they met in person--wasn't it incredible? How things turned out the way they did? Did Nagito think his luck had anything to do with it? What did he have to lose to make up for it, if that's the way it went for him?
( What kind of luck was this, Nagito? You didn't want to leave! This was your home!
—But even Red knows it doesn't work like that. )
His mind empties as he looks for a new thought, his room lit by nothing but the night outside his window. Hot ciders together in a busy little business; sharing with Nagito his starlit memories of Seafoam Island; Nagito, in starlight, his white hair and tall body; his wedding night, dancing in his bliss.
Gold, star shaped flowers glistening in the air around them.
( I still don't know what kind of hat Thras got Sosyne, Nagito.
...
Did your wishes come together...? Like a mirror... )
He shouldn't dare to get up and go for the book that Nagito crafted for him, but he does. It stays closed, pressed near to his face on the surface of his knees for the longest time, until he nearly loses the battle inside of him and he has to rise from the bed. The book slips onto the sheets, and he pushes the bottom of his palms of his hands into his eyes, but it isn't enough. He walks instead, leaving the house to a cold and uninviting night, and keeps going until the chill's dug deeper than just his skin, until he's sure that there's a chance he'll get sick and all his thoughts become detached. Until it doesn't hurt quite the same way.
It feels like hours. It feels like nothing.
It's just another night in this world, he thinks bitterly.
It's not comfortable, but it's enough to let him sleep that night, removing the bits and pieces from the bed without much stirring in his chest. ]
But it's only then that he realises he has to speak. He struggles with it as he had the pen.
So Red thinks instead.
He thinks about how emptier the house feels, and it's not just because of Cilan. It's because of you, too. I miss you. But he reconsiders the direction his mind goes, not wanting to encourage tears he doesn't want to shed.
It's a hard battle to fight, but he works his way around it despite the thoughts he reaches for from the depths of his mind, bringing the faded images to the front that cling on. The day they met in person--wasn't it incredible? How things turned out the way they did? Did Nagito think his luck had anything to do with it? What did he have to lose to make up for it, if that's the way it went for him?
( What kind of luck was this, Nagito? You didn't want to leave! This was your home!
—But even Red knows it doesn't work like that. )
His mind empties as he looks for a new thought, his room lit by nothing but the night outside his window. Hot ciders together in a busy little business; sharing with Nagito his starlit memories of Seafoam Island; Nagito, in starlight, his white hair and tall body; his wedding night, dancing in his bliss.
Gold, star shaped flowers glistening in the air around them.
( I still don't know what kind of hat Thras got Sosyne, Nagito.
...
Did your wishes come together...? Like a mirror... )
He shouldn't dare to get up and go for the book that Nagito crafted for him, but he does. It stays closed, pressed near to his face on the surface of his knees for the longest time, until he nearly loses the battle inside of him and he has to rise from the bed. The book slips onto the sheets, and he pushes the bottom of his palms of his hands into his eyes, but it isn't enough. He walks instead, leaving the house to a cold and uninviting night, and keeps going until the chill's dug deeper than just his skin, until he's sure that there's a chance he'll get sick and all his thoughts become detached. Until it doesn't hurt quite the same way.
It feels like hours. It feels like nothing.
It's just another night in this world, he thinks bitterly.
It's not comfortable, but it's enough to let him sleep that night, removing the bits and pieces from the bed without much stirring in his chest. ]
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